


The end came way too fast

by beyond_the_nights_world



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blood, Character Death, Daedalus - Freeform, Hurt, Kissing, M/M, Medical Procedures, Mild Language, Sad Ending, Serious Injuries, Sex, War, Wraith (Stargate), on a mission
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:47:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24542578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beyond_the_nights_world/pseuds/beyond_the_nights_world
Summary: During the war against the wraith John and Carson discover their love for each other. A trip to a planet through the gate changed everything
Relationships: Carson Beckett/John Sheppard
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Found this old SGA Fiction on my laptop. It's way to sad not to post it. It'S not beta-read, so I am sorry, if there will be a few mistakes here and there

If the whiff of death hadn’t covered the town, a biting smell of burned rubber and smoldering wire, it might have been an idyllic view. The fight was over and John had taken a short time out on one of the balconies of the swimming city. He yawnd for the fresh, salty air to get his mind cleared and to think about the development of this burned down city. The view over this uncountable towers, which were dipped into the peaceful light of the sunset, made him calm down. It was an elusive light and it seemed to cover the fight and the victims of the ended battle. Smoke fumed up into heaven and John could see the shine of simmering fires between the wreckage of the city. They had survived, but he didn’t know by what means.

  
John stretched his arms upon his head, tried to slacken his sore muscles. As he realized that these movements didn’t help, he took a last deep breath and turned around, heading back into the control room. He was the military leader of Atlantis and although he wasn’t pleased about that, the people look at him, still looking up to him. He was the one who has to exude hope and power till the darkest end of the city. It was his duty, even if he lost all hopes by himself. He crossed the room with tauted shoulders and as he arrived at the office of Elizabeth Weir Major Lorne approached him, informing him about the status of damages.

The ZPM was nearly used up, the weapon system out of order.  
They nearly lost the city. But short before losing the battle and even losing the war, the Wraith started to make mistakes. John wondered if Wraith could be overbearing. But their fault was the reason of surviving. Death had already knocked at the door and had even made a step into the city. But not yet. John gave some instructions to his Second. Lorne and Zelenka should fly with a jumper around the city to take a closer look to all the damages at the outer parts of the city. Lorne nodded and while leaving he radioed the Czech Scientist.

Tired and feeling a little dizzy, John rested at the doorway, viewing over the crowd of survivors. People heading around, trying to make the city work again. The voice of Rodney echoed through the gate room and John could see the leading Scientist standing at the computer panel. His fingers scud over the keyboard, and he completed his moves by shouting some curses against the ancient technology and against his staff. A thankful feeling glimpsed in Johns body. He knew that Rodney wasn’t easy to handle. The Canadian was a geek, often arrogant and an emotional idiot in many ways, but John also knew, that he was the only one who could make impossible things possible. And he was loyal in any ways. John thought about telling him, when life got normal again.

  
John left the gate room and headed to the place which might be the hell on Atlantis for now. Before arriving at the infirmary, he could hear the tangle of voices and sounds, floating out of the room. Wincing and weeping, the beeping of the medical instruments. It seemed to be like a beehive. People moving in and out and as John reached the door the extent of the battle got in his mind again. Casualties were sitting on the floor, lying on improvised field beds or were fixed on the stretcher. The smell of antiseptic stung in the nose of the colonel, and he asked himself how Carson could stand this disgusting scent day by day.

  
John leaned against the door frame, his view slipped over the injured people, the working staff and rested on the man he hoped to see. “We have to inject him an anesthetic before we can stitch the wound.“ Carson stood nearby an injured soldier, a sheet of paper in his hand. He talked to one of his nurses and headed to the next patient. John was surprised about discerning the soft, warm voice of the doctor in this clash of sounds. The Colonel observed the Scot for a while, till Carson get aware of him and looked up. A small smile hushed over his face. He gave Marie a sign that he was leaving the infirmary for a few minutes and moved forward, joining the pilot. With an automatic move he got rid of his surgical gloves and threw them into a small basket. John realised how tired the Scot was looking. Dark shadows lay under his blue eyes, and he looked the worse for wear. Carson stopped at the door, taking a deep breath, closing his eyes for a few seconds, then glanced up to the taller man.

  
“Colonel. What can I do for you? Any injuries or pangs?“ He looked attentive and again he puckered up his mouth to a small grin.

“No, Doc. Everything’s alright. Just want to check if you need anything.“

Carson sighed and threw his forehead into wrinkles

“Actually, I need everything… medicine, personal… and improbable I need a shower, a good meal and a nap.“ His left hand slip to the back of his head, massaging his neck for a while. Once seeing his tired and tensed moves, hearing his wishes, John wanted to banish him out of the infirmary, carrying him to his quarters and let him rest there. But the Colonel knew quite well, that Carson wouldn’t leave till the last injured person was comforted. 

“Yeah. Same to me. But we have to stick it out a little longer“, John answered, giving him an encouraged clap on the shoulder. He wished, he could rest here, but John didn’t want to keep him off his duties and as a second reason, he didn’t want to be in this situation anymore. As fast as he could without looking like he was escaping, he walked down the floor. John couldn’t see the piercing look of Carson, but he felt it persisting in his back. Most of all he would like to stop and turn around to simply see this reassuring smile once again, but he resisted the urge, and he resisted also all feelings, which he brought with this urge in connection. Sometimes the normal life with its emotions and problems was the hardest battle to fight. Life was a complex thing. Complex and unpredictable with no chance of acquiring a working strategy. John had quite more emotional competence than others, but at his military career he learned that emotions weren’t helpful, were even a weak point. A crackling sound out of his Com made him get focussed in the reality again and after a few seconds he heard the voice of Elizabeth.


	2. Chapter 2

The confab in Elizabeths Office lasted more than four hours. Four hours of talking and discussing the defense of Atlantis, loading the ZPM and planning the advancement of the expedition. Four hours helpfully reprieve. But all “good“ things come to an end. Colonel Caldwell headed back to the Daedalus and Rodney hurried up to his lab and it seemed to John, that the Canadian liked it to burn like a candle at both ends.

  
“You should sleep a few hours“, Elizabeth said in a soft voice and looked concerned to Colonel Sheppard.

“I am the leading military person here. I can take a rest, when everything important is done.“ Just the rest of the adrenaline floating through his body, helped him to stay awake. And in fact he didn’t want to rest or even sleep. Resting time equals thinking time. In the rare moments of his own when he lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling, the thoughts inundating his mind. Thoughts he wanted to leave behind, because they didn’t fit into his life. But they were too persistent. HE was too persistent.

“You are not invulnerable John. And no one would be crossed with you, when you take a rest. I mean, I can’t command you…“ John dodged on his chair, watching Elizabeth warily. The brunette always tried to find collegial and polite words without sounding to ruling.

“I will take a rest. But I have just to check a few things, to read a few protocols.“ Elizabeth rose her hands in a calming manner, smiling consent. She stood up from behind her desk.

“You won’t sleep, but I hope I can convince you to go for a walk with me.“ John knew by the sound of her voice that she wouldn’t accept a “no“. They were leaving the office in silence and moved to one of the balconies the main tower was surrounded by.

“It’s strange“, Elizabeth started the conversation after a while.

“Hm?“

“It is terrifying to realize how fast it all could end. We came here as members of a mission of scientific worth. And now we are spending our energy — day by day — to fight a war and to stay alive.“

“I think everyone had known that it isn’t a birthday party here. We have the choice to stay or to leave. And we are staying here, although we know, that it might be our end“, explained the military leader. He remembered the last day on earth where everyone got the chance to reconsider their membership of the expedition. No one declared oneself off.

“I know John. I know it very well. But at the beginning it was just an imagination and now it is real. You start thinking about the conscious of one's own importance. You start thinking about your own mortality.“ Elizabeth stopped at the handrail, resting her arms on that cold metal. Her view wandered over the city lost in thoughts. “Before I came here, I had a contention with the man I love. I made the decision to come here, without discuss it with him. We end up in dispute and when I won’t survive it, I will never have the chance again to tell him that I love him.“ She sighed, slouching her shoulders. John could see a glimmer of weakness on her face. Just a short loss of control but John knew that she suffers under that situation. More than she allows herself to show.  
  
John felt irritated by this short outburst of feeling. He never learned how to react right and this made him feel uncomfortable. In addition to that he was aware of the fact that her words had triggered something deep inside his soul. He clenched his jaws like he always did when he felt under pressure.

“Sorry John. I am getting a little sentimental. Uhm…“ She straightens herself, flattening her uniform and glanced to John in a rattled way.

“Thanks“, she whispered, leaving him alone on the balcony. John stared on the closed door, her word echoing in his mind, getting louder and louder.

“If I won’t survive it, I will never have the chance to tell him, that I love him…“ Life could end with a snap. Every offworldmission could be deadly. Wasn’t it important to use the time you have. Fill it up, with things you love?

  
Silently moaning John starts to go for a walk, getting his mind cleared up. The sun was nearly sunk in the ocean and the first stars start to twinkle at the clear dark blue sky. It was a placid scenery, to placid and calm for stopping the carousel of thoughts. He realized that there was just one solution. He had to know what Carson was feeling or even if he was feeling anything at all. Before he went to Atlantis life was easy, love was easy. A marriage and a lot of more or less serious relationships all with girls was his yield. He was never interested in his own gender and the imagination of being together with a man has discouraged him. Then Carson had entered the room and Johns world was tumbling down like a house of cards.

  
Teyla was the only one who knew in which sort of quandary he was stucked in. In her calm and supportive way she had listened to him.

“You fell in love for him, because of all what he is inside. You’re attracted by his kindness, by his sensibility, by the way he behaves and not by his gender.“ It had sounded disgusting but John realized more and more that she was right. Right in every single word she had mentioned. The desire John felt was built up on Carsons behavior, on the way he handled the life on that god-damn city.

Still standing at the railing his thoughts slip back to a bygone situation. John could remember every single second of that failed off world mission. Three members of his team had lost their lives by being mousetrapped. It wasn’t his fault, he knew. But he had bothered himself for not bringing his team save back home. After the briefing John had rushed to the pier to be alone with his thoughts and that feeling of failure. No one had have the guts to join him in that kind of mood he was, but Carson did. He had placed himself next to John, had carried a six pack beer. They had sat there at the pier. John talking, Carson just listening. He had been there without asking questions, without expecting a reward. At that moment John had felt, what he had missed for so long. The knowledge that there had been someone to lean on.


End file.
